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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27789940">Write to Me (and Escape)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyDisdayne/pseuds/LadyDisdayne'>LadyDisdayne</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anakin was trained by Mace Windu, And will never be a Sith, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi, M/M, Missions Gone Wrong, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Online Dating, Pining, The Force Ships It (Star Wars)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 14:27:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,644</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27789940</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyDisdayne/pseuds/LadyDisdayne</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Quinlan signs Obi-Wan up for the Galaxy's hottest dating app, Obi-Wan doesn't expect to find someone that he can actually open up to. He expects falling in love with the mysterious MasterVerdant even less. Now, if only he wasn't still so attached to his Master.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Qui-Gon Jinn/Obi-Wan Kenobi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>114</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Write to Me (and Escape)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is VERY loosely based on the song Escape by Rupert Holmes.  Thank you to Chibiobiwan for the idea and the beta! This turned into more of a self indulgent exploration of the differences between attachment and love and what that could mean to a Jedi than the fluffy fic it started out as, but here we are.<br/>A quick note, I treat comm units/ data pads/ similar like cell phones here, just for the sake of the story.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Obi-Wan flinched as his personal comm chirped, shockingly loud in the small space of the ship. Obi-Wan sighed, looking at his messages as even more poured in, soon totaling in the hundreds. He browsed through the senders, wondering who would be sending him so many messages while he had been in deep space on mission. All of his friends would have known he would be out of range until they made it back to the inner rim and — </p>
<p>Obi-Wan sighed as realization washed through him. He had completely forgotten about the trial subscription Quinlan had signed him up for  in his rush to leave for their current mission. Now, he was signed up for a six month, five hundred credit premium account to <em> Across the Stars, </em>the hottest dating service in the galaxy. </p>
<p>During his last rest period at the Temple, a hard earned respite after spending two weeks on Hoth with Qui-Gon, freezing near to death and imagining much better ways to stay warm than the standard issue snow coats, Obi-Wan had been dragged out of his room by his so called friends, who had taken him for drinks and dinner. It was during the drinks that Quinlan had decided to take Obi-Wan’s love life into his own hands and sign him up for the limited time free trial, along with making Obi-Wan a profile advertising that he was looking for love. He had gone so far as to give Obi-Wan a ridiculous username, CiviliTea. </p>
<p>Obi-Wan had let Quinlan finish, knowing he would lose the argument anyways (and maybe a secret part of his heart hoped it would help him move on from his infatuation with Qui-Gon), planning on canceling as soon as they went their separate ways. But life had a different plan, and Obi-Wan was summoned early the next morning for their current mission and completely forgot about the service and it had rolled onto the full six month premium version. </p>
<p>Another five messages rapidly pinged through, and Obi-Wan groaned in frustration. He would simply need to cancel the subscription as soon as he could, even though he would never see his credits again.</p>
<p>Qui-Gon looked up from his own device, raising an eyebrow. “Something wrong, Obi-Wan?”</p>
<p>“No, Mast— Sorry, <em> Qui-Gon </em>. I just forgot to mute my comm.” Obi-Wan stumbled, blushing at the slip of tongue. He had been a knight for almost fifteen years, was soon to be granted the title of Master, and he still turned into a bumbling padawan any time he was sent on a mission with Qui-Gon, which was slowly becoming more often than not.</p>
<p>Now that the Clone Wars had ended and Sidious was dead, it seemed Master Yoda and the rest of the Council were hellbent on making sure Obi-Wan was paired with Qui-Gon even more often. It made sense, he supposed. They worked incredibly well together, balanced each other almost perfectly. He had been matched with Qui-Gon on seven out of his last ten missions, and the other three were milk-runs, only keeping him away from the Temple for a few days at a time. The latest mission had been no exception. It had lasted over a month, their long days filled with negotiations and peace treaties. Once again, they had been assigned a single small room. At least this one had two sleeping couches, instead of the one that was their usual arrangement. Not that Obi-Wan truly minded in any way. He would suffer through a thousand missions’ worth of embarrassment and restless nights if it meant he could spend it all by Qui-Gon’s side.</p>
<p>Obi-Wan had been in love with his Master well before Naboo and his knighting, long enough that it was a deep seeded part of him. He had expected the crush to fade with time as they grew apart, Obi-Wan eventually leading in the Clone Army while Qui-Gon and Anakin worked diligently with the Relief Corps to help war torn planets. But instead, Obi-Wan was often assigned to aid Qui-Gon, and his love had blossomed, growing into a deep affection that had carried him through the War and beyond. </p>
<p>Obi-Wan mindlessly scrolled through the dozens of messages. He found it interesting, the different kinds of greetings people sent, even if he deleted most of them immediately after. However, there were a couple that caught his eye, clever one liners that he felt like deserved a proper rejection. </p>
<p>One such message, took him off guard. It was older than many of the rest, probably from right before they left, sent from a profile that was almost as vague as his own from someone who called themselves MasterVerdant. There was no poorly lit self-taken holo or cringe worthy pick up line, instead the photo they used was of a small plant followed by a short bio statement that mentioned a love of tea and “all things green and blue.” </p>
<p>Curious, Obi-Wan opened the direct message. It was a simple question, one he hadn’t ever considered before. </p>
<p>
  <em> MasterVerdant: Would you say that love grows over time, evolves, or both?  </em>
</p>
<p>Obi-Wan read the short message once more, contemplating what the sender meant. Growth and evolution, both a natural part of every living thing’s life. Growing stronger, greater over time while always changing and adapting to become something more than it had been before. Neither were bad, or wrong, just different. Part of the same, much bigger, whole.</p>
<p>Even Obi-Wan’s relationship and understanding of the Force itself had both grown stronger and evolved in new ways throughout his life. As had his love for Qui-Gon. </p>
<p>Obi-Wan thoughtfully typed out his thoughts as the stars sped by in streaks of white and blue. It had been long enough since the message was sent that he doubted MasterVerdant would even bother with a reply, but the message had intrigued him enough to at least try. He closed the message by asking the same question in return, intrigued to know what the other party thought. </p>
<p>Qui-Gon’s comm chirped and Obi-Wan looked up to find that they were close to breaking hyperspace. He turned off his comm and made landing preparations, looking forward to spending some quality time with his own bed and finally getting the rest his body was pleading for. Sharing such close quarters with Qui-Gon had made it difficult to sleep during the mission, the irrational part of his mind worried that his dreams would somehow betray him.  </p>
<p>Except that the moment they landed, they were assaulted by Anakin and his easily excitable new Padawan, Ahsoka. Under Mace Windu’s firm guidance, Anakin had grown into a fine Jedi, kind and balanced in the Force, and an even better friend. He had been a driving force behind the War’s end and finding the mastermind orchestrating it all, and in return, had been knighted and had been granted a Padawan of his own. </p>
<p>“Obi-Wan! Master Qui-Gon!” Ahsoka waved. “Welcome home!”</p>
<p>“Thank you, Ahsoka.” Qui-Gon beamed at the young Tortuga. “To what do we owe the pleasure of such a greeting?”</p>
<p>“We were hoping you would join us for late-meal.” Anakin replied. “We’re leaving for a long term assignment in the morning and wanted to see you before we left.”</p>
<p>“I would love to. Obi-Wan?” Qui-Gon glanced to Obi-Wan for a response, his brow furled in concern. </p>
<p>“That should be fine.” Obi-Wan agreed. Time spent with those he cared for far outweighed any weariness he felt. </p>
<p>They handed off their travel bags to a droid to send to their quarters and followed Anakin and Ahsoka to Dex’s. </p>
<p>“So where is this long term mission, Anakin?” Obi-Wan asked once they were all seated and had ordered.  He was pretty sure he already knew the answer. Anakin had been spending a lot of time with a certain Nabooian senator.  </p>
<p>Ahsoka giggled when Anakin blushed, confirming Obi-Wan’s suspicions.   </p>
<p>“Naboo. The Council is sending us with Padme to oversee some additional trade route negotiations.” Anakin mumbled. </p>
<p>Qui-Gon’s rumbling chuckle echoed in the almost empty diner. “Just remember, Anakin, that while love may not be forbidden to a Jedi, selfish attachment can destroy not only ourselves, but those we love as well.”</p>
<p>Obi-Wan’s heart twisted as if it had been run through with a saber. It was a reminder that all Jedi are given often as younglings and padawans, and it still made Obi-Wan ache. He certainly felt attached to Qui-Gon, knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life by his Master’s side. On the other, Obi-Wan knew that his duty as a Jedi would always come first. Still he had to wonder if his love for Qui-Gon would someday be his undoing. </p>
<p>Obi-Wan also knew <em> exactly </em>how Qui-Gon felt about such emotion, the sentiment often repeating through his apprenticeship. </p>
<p>Anakin’s blush deepened, “I know, Master. Master Windu, and my Padawan, remind me often of the differences between the two.”</p>
<p>Obi-Wan stirred his soup while the conversation moved on around him, his mind spinning. Attachment versus love, evolution versus growth. How could you have one without the other? It was a question Obi-Wan often found plaguing his weary heart. </p>
<p>Evening had crept through the city while they finished their meal and by the time they had made it back to the Temple Obi-Wan’s exhaustion, both physical and emotional, was taking its toll. He bid his friends goodbye and headed to his quarters for the hottest water shower he could manage. </p>
<p>By the time he was clean and had crawled into bed, Obi-Wan had all but forgotten about the message to MasterVerdiant. His comm chimed and he grunted, reaching for the device on his nightstand, pleading with the Force that it wasn’t yet another mission so soon. </p>
<p>
  <em> MasterVerdant: I wholeheartedly agree, my friend. Love is all at once most of the most consistent forces in the galaxy, while almost always changing and evolving. One could also say it is one of the strongest, for both good and bad, driving some to sacrifice and others to harmful attachment and possession. But that raises the question, can one truly love without attachment?  </em>
</p>
<p>Obi-Wan reread the message, rolling it over in his mind. It seemed that he was cursed to forever contemplate the duality of love and attachment and its role in his life, especially the romantic kind. </p>
<p>
  <em> CiviliTea: A difficult question, one that many wiser persons than I have tried, and failed, to answer.  </em>
</p>
<p>Obi-Wan knew it was a lackluster reply at best, and a rude one at worst, but his soul felt heavy and tired. He replaced the comm on his nightstand and buried himself under his blanket, letting his exhaustion pull him into fitful sleep. </p>
<p>When he woke late the next morning, Obi-Wan hadn’t planned on continuing his conversation with Verdant, or rather, had thought Verdant would choose to end their conversation after his vague reply. </p>
<p>Instead, Verdant had surprised him with a reply and yet another question.</p>
<p>MasterVerdant: <em> Would you rather someone be honest with you and hurt your feelings, or lie to protect them? I, or one, like to say I would prefer honesty, but I have grown soft in recent years. I may weep if someone pointed out the gray in my hair.  </em></p>
<p>Obi-Wan blinked at the inquiry, laughing a bit at the included answer. Verdant didn’t pull his punches, asking yet another soul searching question so quickly. Obi-Wan felt relieved however that he had moved away from love and attachment to a question Obi-Wan actually knew his answer to. </p>
<p>Obi-Wan easily replied, agreeing that he would appreciate the honesty, but that he hoped he was open and welcoming enough that his feelings could be spared. He closed the service with a smile before beginning work on his report of their latest mission. </p>
<p>The questions kept coming and weeks began to pass in a blur of messages and missions. Obi-Wan found Verdant insightful, fascinating even, and they easily discovered that they had much in common. Their opinions differed enough that even the most mundane of subjects would turn into philosophical debates or theoretical discussions.   </p>
<p>These discussions stayed what some would consider impersonal— the most personal information exchanged was a favorite quote or bit of poetry, and even those where sporadic, usually used as evidence or to prove a point. </p>
<p>While the mystery of who Veridant was taunted Obi-Wan, his own anonymity was a welcome respite, allowing him to be more open and honest than he ever would be allowed under different circumstances. In return, Obi-Wan had come to feel like he knew more of who Verdant truly was than he ever would have in person. With the screen and a galaxy between them, Obi-Wan didn’t need to be Knight Kneobi, the pinnacle example of a proper Jedi. Instead he could just be himself, even if the other party had taken to calling him Tea instead of Obi-Wan. </p>
<p>Obi-Wan would spend hours messaging Verdant, even when in deep space or on missions with Qui-Gon. He often wondered if this was a different form of attachment, especially when his fingers itched for his comm during a boring meeting, or he found himself typing a new message at all hours of the night. </p>
<p>Even with this attachment building, it had taken almost a full five months for Obi-Wan to be willing to share direct contact information with Verdant, using a pseudonym linked to his real account for safety. Even then,  it was more because he was unwilling to spend another credit on the Sith damned <em> Across the Stars </em>service. At least that's what Obi-Wan told himself as he sent his personal contact information. </p>
<p>If he was being honest however, it was for an entirely different reason. Obi-Wan knew that he would love Qui-Gon until his dying day, but he had found that a small part of his heart had opened, allowing Verdant in where he never thought possible. A small part of him began to wonder if this unknown person could help heal his loneliness, could help him find, if not someone to call home, someone that would at least love him in return. </p>
<p>That dim hope filling his heart, it had only taken Verdant another week to convince Obi-Wan to start opening up even further, requesting photos of whatever he was doing. Obi-Wan had been hesitant, a Jedi may not be barred from love, but his life was dangerous and any bit of information in the wrong hands could lead to grave consequences. </p>
<p>Obi-Wan started small, an artistic photo of a generic cup of tea from Dex’s. Verdant had laughed, applauding his efforts and, in reply, sent him a cup of tea of his own. The deep rich brown tea contrasted against a pure white poricien cup was hauntingly familiar in a way, tugging at Obi-Wan’s memory. Obi-Wan basked in the warm, calm feeling that settled over him and asked what type of tea it was.</p>
<p>More and more photos were sent, never anything overly personal or revealing. More often than not, they featured a simple cup of tea or, in Obi-Wan’s case, corners of flimsi or other bits of work that he tried to artistically arrange to make his life look somewhat interesting. Verdant often lived up to his name and loved to send photos of his vast plant collection, which could rival Qui-Gon’s in its size and variety, and was always excited to share photos of flora he found interesting throughout his day. He especially seemed fond of the tiny weeds or struggling plants growing from the smallest cracks in duracrete or in a secluded and dark alleyway. </p>
<p>More than once, Obi-Wan had spotted a familiar store or sign in these photos and was fairly certain Verdant lived primarily on Coruscant, and probably somewhere near the Temple district. Obi-Wan was sure never to mention it or ask, but a somewhat wistful feeling would wash over him with every hint, and he began to wonder if it was possible for them to have already met, or if they could ever possibly, accidentally meet. The feeling sparked something in Obi-Wan, something he didn’t recognize or dare actually acknowledge. </p>
<p>
  <em> MasterVerdant: What is your biggest dream? Or, maybe I should say, what do you want most from your life?  </em>
</p>
<p>Their conversations had taken a turn towards the more personal over the few weeks leading up to this question. Verdant never pushed Obi-Wan for more than Obi-Wan was willing to give freely, letting him set the pace between them. It was something Obi-Wan greatly appreciated, no matter how much he wanted to deepen their connection. </p>
<p>Obi-Wan wasn’t quite sure how to answer the question. He had many desires for his future, He had kept his hopes and dreams close to his chest, subconsciously at first, trying to protect himself from further pain. He had never really been able to conquer those childhood insecurities, the knowledge that he would never be good enough, that he would never be anyone’s first choice. Even his apprenticeship had come from more circumstance and convenience than true desire to train him on Qui-Gon’s part. </p>
<p>Instead, Obi-Wan buried his shortcomings and desires deep under layer upon layer of falsehoods, building a calm facade of being the perfect Jedi Knight. Outwardly, he was civil and kind, thoughtful and mature, no matter the maelstrom that raged in his chest. Now that he was older and cultivated a greater connection to the Force, Obi-Wan had been able to release many of these emotions into the Force, replacing them with those that would </p>
<p>But now, for the first time in his life, Obi-Wan felt like he had found someone he could truly open up to, someone who would accept his failings as simply a part of life. The thought terrified him, the idea of being <em> seen, </em>even understood, of not having to hide. Obi-Wan’s open and pure honesty as he sent one of the shortest messages of their conversation was surprising even to himself. </p>
<p>
  <em> CiviliTea: To be the best version of myself I can be. I suppose if I were to be greedy, it would also be to freely love and be loved in return. And what of yourself? </em>
</p>
<p>It was a simple sentiment, but one that held multitudes of others within it. The best version of himself wasn’t just Obi-Wan, it was striving to be the best Jedi he could be, to better serve and protect, the best Master to a Padawan if or when the opportunity came, the best friend to those closest to him. </p>
<p>
  <em> MasterVerdant: That doesn’t seem like greed to me, to seek others happiness before your own, to improve yourself to lift others. It is human nature, not greed, to crave companionship, to desire love. It is only when that love turns to possession that it does harm. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> As for myself, I would say that it is to see the people I love most be happy and loved as they deserve. For them to see themselves as I see them, hardworking and kind, generous and loving. To know how much they are loved.  </em>
</p>
<p>Obi-Wan shook his head with a smile. It surprised him sometimes how much like Qui-Gon Verdant could be.   </p>
<p>Even after cracking his heart wide open, it took almost another few months of daily messages and holos before he felt ready to even discuss an in person meeting. He had deep concerns of how Verdant would react to his status as a Jedi, and, even if he was accepting, what that meant for continuing their relationship. His life wasn’t easy, and often meant he spent months away from the Temple at a time. </p>
<p>Before Obi-Wan could make up his mind, he was summoned by the Council once more alongside Qui-Gon. The mission seemed easy enough at first glance, requiring Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon to join Anakin and Ahsoka on the Outer Rim to help a war torn planet of Kintan to build lasting peace. </p>
<p>It should have been a simple agreement to negotiate, both governments seemed eager to end the fighting, but the people themselves remained stubborn, continuing to break out into small skirmishes despite the cease fire. They were at odds over offence they couldn’t even remember, let alone agree on. They were obviously much more interested in making each other more miserable than actually seeking peace. </p>
<p>Obi-Wan’s only solstice was that he had at least been assigned separate sleeping chambers from Qui-Gon. He spent his free evenings messaging Verdant, laughing as they discussed favorite books and poetry. It wasn’t a perfect substitution for the human contact he so desired, but Verdant made the galaxy look like a brighter, better place, no matter how lonely Obi-Wan felt. </p>
<p>And then another fight broke out and one over excited participant destroyed the long range communications a week into the mission, leaving Obi-Wan alone with his thoughts and Master. </p>
<p>Loneliness crept deep into Obi-Wan’s heart, sharper and more bitter than if he had simply been on a solo mission. With every hour he spent by Qui-Gon’s side, Obi-Wan fell more in love with the Master, with his gentle grace and mischievous smiles, even when they were for anyone but Obi-Wan. </p>
<p>And then the unthinkable happened.</p>
<p>The day started like so many before it. Obi-Wan greeted the sunrise with meditation and a large cup of tea, briefly checking his personal comm to see if by some miracle the long range had been fixed during the night. At the appointed hour, he left his rooms to meet Qui-Gon to walk together to the rooms set aside for the trade negotiations. </p>
<p>They walked together through decorated hallways and open gardens, chatting about the agenda for the day. Many higher level dignitaries had arrived the night before to continue discussions, having been forced into physical attendance when the communication system was attacked. The Jedis’ focus would be split between keeping those leaders safe and maintaining peaceful negotiations. Anakin and Ahsoka had been sent away from the city to give aid to the smaller villages and help restore the communications network.</p>
<p>Negotiations began well enough, everyone involved anxious to find resolution. A few of the additional leaders were much more reserved than Obi-Wan was used to, often meditating before speaking in turn. Obi-Wan hoped that they would be the fresh perspective needed to resolve the conflict. </p>
<p>Yet another petty argument arose and Obi-Wan sighed while Qui-Gon calmly restored order. It was something he admired most about the older Jedi, his serenity even among the greatest of storms. </p>
<p>The quietest of the new dignitaries stood, glaring at Qui-Gon with an expression Obi-Wan couldn’t quite read. There was a small flutter in the Force that made Obi-Wan’s hand twitch towards the saber at his belt. </p>
<p>“I think I understand what the hold up seems to be.” The woman said, pulling something from her bag. “These <em> Jedi </em>have clouded your judgement.”</p>
<p>Before Obi-Wan could think, a clear <em> BANG </em>rang through the room, and the smell of sulfur filled the air. He twisted, lightsaber drawn to block the metal slug that flew towards his Master. </p>
<p>But Obi-Wan was too late, only able to catch Qui-Gon in his arms as Qui-Gon grunted in pain. Shouting filled the room and unknown soldiers poured in, surrounding Obi-Wan, slugthrowers of their own drawn on the peace seeking leaders. </p>
<p>Heart aching, Obi-Wan gently lowered Qui-Gon to the floor. The Master’s breathing was labored, his pulse erratic. Obi-Wan knew in that moment that he needed to make a choice, to choose between protecting his Master or bringing peace to a war torn plant. Fear of losing the one he cared for most and anger towards the people of the planet and their petty squabbles began to cloud his mind. Instead, he breathed deep, releasing his emotions into the Force. Obi-Wan calmly stood and got to work. </p>
<p>Calming the enraged leaders was no simple task, made even more difficult when a truce was made and Qui-Gon’s unconscious body was carried from the room to the healers. Once talks were able to begin once more, the shooter was revealed to be part of a bloodthirsty minor sect that sought revenge for a wrong even they couldn’t properly remember. They were also behind the loss of communications and many of the attacks that had been blamed on the warring factions. </p>
<p>She was eventually arrested by the other leaders, the first decision they made working together as a single government. With her undermining and rebellion ended, Anakin was easily able to restore communications and begin to help the people begin the process of rebuilding their lives. It would be years before their planet could fully heal, but they were off to a good start. </p>
<p>It was days before Obi-Wan could spend more than a passing moment at Qui-Gon’s side. He had been told that Qui-Gon would make a full recovery, but the slug had been large and was able to do significant damage to Qui-Gon’s already delicate abdomen, hitting close to where Darth Maul had struck so many years before.  </p>
<p>Watching Qui-Gon’s slow breathing, Obi-Wan meditated, searching his own heart. He had surprised himself when instead of reacting, he had been able to put aside his own feelings and put his trust in the Force and act out of love for the people of Kintan.</p>
<p>One of Verdant’s very first questions came to mind, asking if it was possible to love without attachment. Obi-Wan had spent hours meditating on the question once it had been posed, trying to understand how he fit between them. </p>
<p>He had never truly understood the difference between love and attachment until he had been forced to choose between love and what was right. Despite his deep love for Qui-Gon, he was able to be a Jedi first, was able to school his emotions and protect the people - he had no desire to possess Qui-Gon, only to be allowed to love him, even if it was only from afar. It was time, Obi-Wan decided, to truly let Qui-Gon go. Qui-Gon was free to love, to seek his own happiness, and Obi-Wan was free to do the same. </p>
<p>Opening his comm, Obi-Wan had expected to see at least one message from Verdant, but the last message had come the night before communications had gone down. It wasn’t the first time Verdant had been slow to reply—  his life seemed almost as chaotic as Obi-Wan’s own. </p>
<p>
  <em> CiviliTea: I think I finally have an answer to your question on the difference between attachment and love. I have to admit, I am a bit embarrassed it has taken me this long to reply. The answer has been so obvious all along, something I have been taught from the time I was a youngling, and something you even mentioned, in part, in that message.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Attachment is easy, a greedy thing that comes so easily to our hearts. It is the desire to possess, to control, and is driven by fear and anger. It is the inability to let go, even when necessary.   </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Love, well love is everlasting. It is something you have to work hard for, each and every day. It is full of light and joy. It is kindness and compassion, brought by understanding of the one you love. Love doesn’t seek to possess, to control. It brings freedom to grow and evolve.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I have spent so long holding onto the fear of attachment, of being a disappointment, that I had forgotten what it means to love.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> As the old saying goes, if you love something, set it free. And I think it is finally time to set myself free.  </em>
</p>
<p>Obi-Wan’s heart felt lighter than it had in years as he sent his answer, his hand resting gently next to Qui-Gon’s as he drifted to sleep in the hard chair. </p>
<p>When he slowly blinked into consciousness the next morning, it was to Qui-Gon’s gentle blue eyes and kind hand against his own. Qui-Gon was smiling down at his own comm, seeming lost in thought. Obi-Wan watched him for a moment, basking in the joy of simply being together. </p>
<p>“Good morning, Obi-Wan.” Qui-Gon set down the comm and brushed the hair away from Obi-Wan’s brow. </p>
<p>“Good morning, Master.” </p>
<p>“Obi-Wan, I—” Qui-Gon paused. If Obi-Wan hadn’t known him as well as he did, he would have missed the small frown that crossed his handsome face before he continued. “Obi-Wan, I am so proud of you. The Kintan ministers told me what you did, how brave you were. I couldn’t be prouder of the Jedi you have become. I don’t tell you that often enough, but I am.”</p>
<p>Surprised, Obi-Wan shook his head. “I— Thank you, Master. I wouldn’t have made it very far without your guidance. How is your wound?” He asked, eager to shift the focus from himself. </p>
<p>They were cleared to return to the Temple the following morning, with stern warnings for Qui-Gon to be careful in the following weeks. As he watched Qui-Gon supporbly limp up the ship’s ramp unaided, Obi-Wan could only hope that he would follow the healer’s advice. </p>
<p>Probably realizing exactly how serious Qui-Gon would take his injury, he was immediately assigned three month’s worth of desk work when they arrived on Coruscant, much to his dismay. Obi-Wan was given a few days at the Temple before beginning a series of small, but continuous, solo missions that spanned the length of the galaxy. </p>
<p>Obi-Wan enjoyed the time spent alone, the quiet of deep space travel letting him meditate and reflect on the feelings that still clouded his heart. He turned to the Force, releasing what he could and attempting to organize the rest. </p>
<p>His relationship with Verdant continued to thrive as he filled the hours with messages and staged photos from around the ship. Verdant sent him holos of his own, often complaining of being swamped with paperwork. Obi-Wan laughed at the blurry stacks of filmsi, wondering if Qui-Gon was currently feeling the same way. </p>
<p>Obi-Wan wondered if, once Qui-Gon’s month pf being grounded was up, they would be assigned as partners once more. He wasn’t sure what he would prefer, after his realizations and resolution to let Qui-Gon go. Finally, he decided to leave it in the hands of the Force, and continue on. </p>
<p>The day came and Obi-Wan was summoned back to the Temple. He quickly pushed the small flair of excitement away, and returned to the mission at hand.  </p>
<p>Seeing Qui-Gon again felt like releasing a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. They quickly fell back into easy companionship, even if everything had changed for Obi-Wan. He found it was easier to work beside Qui-Gon now that he had found the balance he had needed so desperately. His love was still a bright warmth in his heart, but it wasn’t encumbered by the fears and anxiety Obi-Wan had held onto for so long. </p>
<p>This time they were sent to the tropical planet of Sesid to represent the Jedi at a diplomatic conference. The conference was more of a glorified retreat and vacation, giving the Jedi freedom to explore the planet and it’s white sand beaches and glistening sea at their leisure. </p>
<p>Qui-Gon took to the water naturally, luxuriating in the Living Force that ebbed and flowed through the sea. Obi-Wan often found himself on the beach, watching the Master swim and dive, his long hair braided down his graceful spine. He was beautiful, all strength and muscle. Obi-Wan flinched at Qui-Gon’s scars, thinking of how much he had almost lost, both from the actions of others and his own fears. </p>
<p>On the last night of the conference, Obi-Wan had an afternoon alone while Qui-Gon attended one of the many supplementary lectures. </p>
<p>On the beach once more, Obi-Wan sipped at one of the colorful beverages that the planet was well known for, wishing that he didn’t need to be quite so alone. In a moment of wistfulness, he took a picture of the drink, the background of the blue sky and ocean highlighting the natural yellow of the fruit. He sent it to Verdant, asking if he had ever had the chance to try one.</p>
<p>The reply was almost instant, along with a holo of a pink version of Obi-Wan’s own drink. It was almost ridiculous, neon and overflowing with fruit. </p>
<p>
  <em> MasterVerdant: You're on Sesid as well?! Would you be willing to meet? I think it’s about time, don’t you? </em>
</p>
<p>Before he could think better of it, Obi-Wan simply responded with his location and a picture of the ocean, knowing it would be enough to guide Verdant. </p>
<p>Obi-Wan swirled the striped straw between his fingers, watching the waves gently crash against the shore. He felt all at once peaceful and like he would vibrate out of existence in excitement.</p>
<p>“Waiting for someone?” Qui-Gon was suddenly beside Obi-Wan, startling him out of his thoughts. </p>
<p>“Yes. I—” Obi-Wan hung his head, unsure of how to explain to Qui-Gon exactly <em> who </em>he was waiting for. It felt silly now that he was faced with saying it all out loud, especially when his heart still yearned for it to be Qui-Gon at his side. </p>
<p>Qui-Gon hummed and placed his own drink on the table, a bright frilly pink straw perched on top, not unlike— </p>
<p>A drink not unlike the one Verdant had sent not even ten minutes prior. </p>
<p>Obi-Wan sharply inhaled, his chest tightening in anguish while pictures of familiar cups and tea, of places Obi-Wan was sure were in the Temple gardens, kind words offered when he needed it most, burned through his memory. </p>
<p>The now obvious realization settling heavy in Obi-Wan’s heart, a new burning sorrow building deep in his stomach. He couldn’t help but bow his head, trying to will away the tears that threatened to fall. Of course Qui-Gon was Verdant, how could it have ever been anyone else. He should have known far sooner, he had been given plenty of hints throughout their <em> friendship </em>. “MasterVerdant I presume.” Obi-Wan asked and scooted the drink away from his arm, anxious to get what was sure to be the most awkward, painful conversation of his life over with so he could hide in his room until their transport left in the morning. </p>
<p>Obi-Wan folded his arms tightly across his chest, trying to keep what little dignity and composure he had left. He had always known the only person he would ever be able to love was Qui-Gon, and this only served to put the final nail in his coffin. He had been foolish to think that anyone else would be able to take even a small place in his heart. </p>
<p>Qui-Gon smiled, bright and open as he sat in the vacant chair. “CiviliTea.”</p>
<p>“How long have you known?” Obi-Wan whispered, unsure of what else to ask, of what else he could even say. </p>
<p>“I had my suspicions after out very first message. Quinlan signed you up didn’t he? CiviliTea sounds like something he would call you.” Obi-Wan half nodded, his eyes still downcast while his cheeks heated in embarrassment that he had been so obvious. </p>
<p>Qui-Gon continued, “It wasn’t hard to be sure when the time between messages matched our missions or your solo missions, even more so after the mission to Kintan.”</p>
<p>“It’s been <em> months </em> since that mission, Qui-Gon. And if you suspected from the first— Why would you let this go for so long? The things I told you—” Obi-Wan choked on the questions, letting silence fall between them. He had told Verdant things that he had never been able to tell anyone else, had been more <em> human </em>with Verdant than he had even known he was capable of being. Obi-Wan fought the urge to run, to hide, hurt and shame decades in the making flooding his heart. </p>
<p>Qui-Gon placed a warm hand on Obi-Wan’s arm. “I’m sorry Obi-Wan. I should have told you sooner, but I didn’t want to destroy the friendship and trust we had built. I...I knew that you would never open up to me the way you had with Verdant, and I took advantage of that. I’ve known you for decades, but you have never really let me <em> know </em>who you are, let me see the knight and man you have become.”</p>
<p><em> Friendship </em> . Obi-Wan’s heart shattered at the word. Of course that was all Verdant— <em> Qui-Gon </em> — was looking for. Now that he could see the whole picture, Obi-Wan felt ashamed of himself. There had never been any promises made, nothing to indicate that Qui-Gon, or Verdant, had ever wanted anything more than a friend, and even that wasn’t even the right word. At its core, all their digital relationship had been was a way for Qui-Gon to fulfill some sort of <em> curiosity </em>.</p>
<p>“Well, I hope you saw what you were looking for.” Obi-Wan stood, dropping a few credits on the table. “I’ll see you on the transport, Qui-Gon.” </p>
<p>Obi-Wan walked away, slipping into the crowd of tourists heading to the beaches, ignoring Qui-Gon as he called Obi-Wan’s name. It would be easy enough to spend the small amount of remaining daylight hidden among the vast dunes, planning how to proceed. </p>
<p>Transport had already been arranged for the following morning via a tourist cruiser between Coruscant and Sesid. It would be well populated and easy enough to avoid Qui-Gon. Convincing the Council to stop assigning him as Qui-Gon’s mission partner would be a task in and of itself, one he would need to deal with as soon as he arrived back on Coruscant. There was even a chance that he might even be able to request a permanent position outside of the Temple, if he asked the right Council members. </p>
<p>What came after would be even more difficult. Obi-Wan would need to meditate, focus on releasing his emotions into the Force for good, to seal off his broken, overly attached heart, fully aware that his it would never really mend.</p>
<p>Obi-Wan set a wandering course for a secluded sea cave he had noticed during one of his walks with Qui-Gon. It would be well shaded this time of day, and was hard enough to get to from the main tourist areas that most would ignore it. </p>
<p>Except that as he slipped into the entrance, Obi-Wan wasn’t as alone as he hoped he would be. Qui-Gon stood against the stone, watching the tide. Obi-Wan couldn’t help but stare, the filtered sunlight beautiful against Qui-Gon’s form. Fresh tears stinging his eyes, Obi-Wan quietly turned on his heel, hoping his presence had gone unnoticed. </p>
<p>“Obi-Wan, wait. Please.” Qui-Gon’s voice broke the silence, stopping Obi-Wan in his tracks. “I never wanted to hurt you, Obi-Wan. Mace set up the account for me and sent you that first message. Truthfully, I never thought you would answer. But you did and I couldn’t help but want more, so I hid who I was and got caught up in simply being Verdant. For all of my talk of attachment, I was so scared of losing you, that I let it go far longer than I ever planned.” Obi-Wan turned to face Qui-Gon, despite knowing that if he did, he wouldn’t be able to walk away once more. </p>
<p>“You once told me that if you love someone, set them free.”</p>
<p>“I did. The night that I realized that I truly loved <em> you </em>, that my feelings for you were more than just attachment. And that it was time to let you go.”  The words spilled from Obi-Wan’s heart, the truth finally laid bare between them. </p>
<p>Qui-Gon closed the distance between them, his own eyes dark with tears.</p>
<p>“You forgot the rest of the saying, Obi-Wan. That if they come back, they are yours forever.”  Qui-Gon leaned forward, capturing Obi-Wan’s mouth with his own. The kiss was gentle, questioning. Obi-Wan wrapped his arms around Qui-Gon’s neck, pulling him even closer, hungry for more. They reluctantly pulled apart, Qui-Gon enveloping Obi-Wan in his arms.</p>
<p>“And I am yours, forever, my Obi-Wan.”</p>
<p>Obi-Wan reached upwards, kissing Qui-Gon once more. “As I am yours, Master. As I am yours.”</p>
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